message fail 1

I found an unfinished letter...
(excerpt from an unfinished memoir)

(April 2009)

What now? It has been a year or so…for me, it feels like a decade since the last time I opened this piece. I read it once in a while you know, just to motivate myself to write again. But then…the words aren’t there to fill it up, or yet, the person isn’t there to continue the story.

Now I ask again…what now?

Too many things happened, too many hours spent, words spoken, people encountered, feelings shared, actions done… a lot came and a lot lost. Now I think of what to tell you. Where was I? What happened? My dear xxxxxxx, I was here. Always, never have I gone, never have I left. I just took my break and found someone to talk to. I guess, I just had my breakthrough, I tried connecting. And love, here I am, come and listen. I need you to understand.

I don’t really know exactly what happened, but along the way in my reiterated life, there was a fork on the road and a decision was made. Whatever road I took, no plans of taking the way back, I went straight and continued going forward. And yet again, changes were like a shock of the lightning that hit me down the spot.

xxxxxxx, I realized I was running on circles again. It was like going on a day trip to an empty open field. I was out there, doing what I knew was rational for me, exposed but then again in total disguised. Waiting for something to haul me away and make something superbly unbelievable out of me. Probably that was the reason why I turned suddenly in topsy-turvy. I wanted something different, something raw, something that would blow my mind away from my sickening lonely self.

Along the way, I found answers and at one point I found bits and pieces of my real self.
.....

and the letter stops there...what happened next?? I guess, we'll never know, unless there are more letters waiting to be discovered...
until I try to look for long lost letters.
Unsent. Unread.
until then.